What I am about to share with you was actually a text message I sent to my daughter. She is going through some tough phases in her life that has compounded upon the hormonal growing pains of a teenager. A lot of the same of what I went through when I was her age. The problem is she doesn't "hear" me most times because of that all knowing MOM filter - seemingly in one ear and out the other and I'm pretty sure she hears what Charlie Brown hears when his teacher speaks.
On this particular morning, before I started my day, I sat down in meditation. As I was wrapping things up, I asked for help from my spirit team, ArchAngel Gabriel, anyone who could help me choose the words that will get through to her. We had a fight the night before because of some irresponsible choices she made.
About late that morning, I felt off and saddened. I felt prompted to reach out to her to let her know everything will be ok. As I typed it, I felt I was being guided to choose the words she would really listen to. The words that that would break through the wall she has put up. I was on autopilot. I was completely zoned out, not thinking. The words were flowing freely without the normal train of thought we all go through when composing. My heart filled with emotion as I typed it.
During this, the the thought wafted through of sharing this and putting this out there for you all. I realized then that this would be something others would need to hear. And so this became an open letter for those that need to hear it. Perhaps for teens and adults alike that are as sensitive as she is and are in the same place as she is.
My daughter is 16 years old and has always been very intuitive and highly sensitive. Since the moment she could put together sentences she has openly told me every time she has seen spirit. Those moments are far and few in between now. She is an Empath but ignores that she has to address it (she hasn't figured out what is hers and not hers). She is also a Medium but she has not wanted anything to do with Spirit since she jumped into her teens. And that's ok. It's her choice. That was the last thing I ever thought of doing at her age. This is one of those things in which she will have to figure out on her own.
And so I am putting this out there. This is a raw, unfiltered and mostly unedited text. You will gain insight to some of my imperfect life. Names will be omitted of course. I hope this helps even if it is in the smallest of ways.
"You're not the only one that goes through what you're going through. I have had a lot of those days but I push through it. There are days where I cry it out, days I'm just depressed and don't want to do what I have to do to get by, lack motivation to do them, and feel shitty all the way around. For the most part I can snap out of it but there are some days I wallow in that and it takes me a while. When I was young, I wasn't suicidal in the sense I wanted to kill myself. I couldn't do that. I was suicidal in the respect that I wished death upon myself, hoping I'd get shot, get hit by a car or some freak accident. I told you that before. Strength comes from living and pushing through that. To stick around and take care of you the best you can. I didn't do what you did, but I'd go into self destruct mode more than I can count or care to count. What I want for you is to learn from my mistakes so you won't have to go through what I went through. I don't want you to go through a lifetime, or half of your life as I did, before you figure out how things work. Even though I was consciously asleep, like most people are, I was lucky to inherently attract good things and opportunities to me and I think its because i always tended to see the light at the end of the tunnel... in spite of all my anger and dark thoughts, I was a fighter and was stubborn to give in. And maybe it's because I knew i didn't have a choice but to fight because I wasn't going to kill myself and I wasn't leaving this world unless something happened to me. My solace was music and dancing kept me happy. But I wouldn't have dance without the music. It always helped me. The reason why I said you weren't as strong as me is I thought you were like me and I realized i had to approach taking care of you in a different way. What that meant was what worked for me wasn't working for you. That was in no way meant to insult you. Perhaps maybe hoping to get you angry enough to fight for yourself but mostly thinking out loud, acknowledging what I perceived as a failure on my part. I'm sorry you took that the way you did. You ARE a strong young lady. You have made it through a lot of shit in your life even though I tried giving you a better life than what I had. And you are still here fighting. You are strong and you need to stay strong. Stay strong for you. Stay strong for your family. Stay strong for the people that need your light in this world. Your light is very bright and you bring joy and happiness to all of those you touch in small ways and big ways. Even though it seems no one appreciates you, or seemingly acknowledges your alive, even though it may seem you are always the odd man out and you vibe with no one or group of people and understood by no one... you are very valuable and you are here for a damn good reason. You just haven't realized it yet. Your life up until now and probably for a while will be a training of sorts for the greatness you are destined for. Don't ever forget that. Always know you are loved. And in the end, there is only love. Nothing else matters. Not these messed up arguments, situations or upsets. There is only love in the end. When you have done your time here, when you are on the other side, you will realize that love is what matters and there is only love that is left... and you will be pissed a moment for not seeing that while alive (but then realize you will have another go at it next time around). Remember that when you are going through your rough patches. Look beyond and see beyond. That's the bigger picture. That's what most people don't realize. We are only human and yeah we will have bumpy roads, fuck-ups and mishaps. The key is to acknowledge, forgive yourself, love yourself unconditionally and get back on track. I love you and your sister more than life itself. You guys are my world and I'll always be here for you. I love you."
Much Love to you ALL,
Maria